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When you sat in nursing school, you likely had people telling you what to do. “You should get a job in med-surg,” “You should get your MSN,” “You shouldn’t even consider having kids until you’ve worked at least five years,” “Shouldn’t you be working harder?” The “shoulds” will come flying at you throughout your career, and it’s your job to determine which ones hold merit and which you can disregard.
Everyone will likely have an opinion about your nursing career and your life as a nurse and healthcare professional, but the most valuable opinions are the ones people keep to themselves and only offer when asked.
How many “shoulds” are you shouldering in your life and career, and are there any you’d like to let go of? It might not be as complicated as you think.
Finding Your Own Inner Compass
We are most vulnerable to other people telling us what to do when we’re unsure what we want. When we feel uncertain, afraid, or anxious, those who like to share their opinions even when they aren’t expressly requested will feel free to chime in.
If you want to find your inner compass for guiding your life and career, an essential skill is learning to determine what you want. To determine what you want, look for inspiration and ask some questions. Consider these:
- Why did I become a nurse in the first place?
- What are my short-term and longer-term career goals?
- Are there people I admire and respect who can serve as my mentors or role models?
- Where do the needs of my family, children, spouse, and dependents fit in the puzzle? How do my choices impact them?
- What are my core values?
- What type of environment do I want to work in?
- What kinds of colleagues would I like to work with?
- What patient populations interest me most?
- When have I made choices based on what others told me I should do instead of what I wanted in the past? How did that turn out for me?
Your inner compass is never far away. You can feed your career with good nursing nutrition and get in touch with your nursing career mitochondria.
If you’re aware of your values, motivations, likes and dislikes, and goals, these will help you decide on a career path that works for you, not someone else’s agenda.
Your Sense of Personal Agency
Finding the right career path isn’t always easy and can be a very unclear process. Is the work you’re doing aligned with your values? Are you working with colleagues who you like and respect, caring for patients you care about, and doing work that feels satisfying? Are you where you are based on what someone else recommended or on your own desires and goals?
Shouldering the opinions of others as your own doesn’t necessarily help illuminate your best path forward. Getting in touch with your own sense of personal agency can galvanize you to take a stand for what you want.
If you’re confused, myths about nurses and nursing don’t contribute anything terribly positive. While the hospital is an excellent environment for many nurses, many nurses work in settings far beyond acute care. And while the mythos of nursing revolves around nurses caring for the sick, there are nurses who are writers, podcasters, coaches, epidemiologists, business owners, keynote speakers, and researchers.
Basing your career choices on myths undercuts your agency, setting you on a career trajectory far from what would make you most happy.
Shrug off the “Shoulds”
If your life and career have been largely guided by the ‘shoulds’ imposed by others, perhaps it’s time to stick up for yourself and make choices based on your inner knowing. And if that knowing seems far from the surface where it’s easy to access, you can employ a career coach, counselor, psychotherapist, or valued friend, colleague, or mentor who you trust will ask the right questions to help you find your way.
Others’ expectations can power our lives if we allow them to be, but there’s always another choice: reclaiming your life and career as your own to create. Let go of what others have imposed on you, reject the “shoulds” you’ve been shouldering, and free yourself of the burden of doing what others say you need to do. If you can access your values, motivations, goals, and desires, you’ll be well on your way to shrugging off the “shoulds” and seizing the helm of your life and career. Don’t you deserve that freedom?
Keith Carlson, BSN, RN, NC-BC has been a nurse since 1996. As a holistic career coach, nurse podcaster, writer, blogger, and well-known motivational speaker, Keith empowers nurses regarding personal branding; professional networking; entrepreneurship; resume, job search, and interview strategies; emotional and relational intelligence; personal wellness; and the building of a dynamic nursing career. Keith happily resides in Santa Fe, New Mexico with his fiancée, Shada McKenzie, a gifted and highly skilled traditional astrologer. He can be found at NurseKeith.com and The Nurse Keith Show podcast.
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